Relax Moms and Dads this post is not about some hallucinogenic pill. It is about much worse – LEAD SINGER DISEASE!
However, before I get into that and alienate my vocal brethren I want to give you two versions of the same joke, just to show that I can be self deprecating also. It’s all in fun singers so loosen up the leather pants!
How many guitarists does it take to screw in a light bulb? The answer: 7 – one to do it and six to sit around saying they could have done it better.
OK, how many singers does it take to screw in a light bulb? The answer 1: He/She just holds the light bulb and the world revolves around them.
So true, so true – on both accounts.
You see, I have been playing guitar since I was about 13 or 14 (no I don’t know exactly how old I was – I didn’t plan on walking on water and writing my memoirs to preserve my journey!). I started playing in clubs since I was around 18 or 19 (again – the walk on water thing). I am now quite older (OK, I am 40 as of this writing). gorilla bomb strain So that is 27 years of playing (I actually did the singing along with my drummer when I first started playing in a band – so that was my LSD period).
OK so 27 years of playing with a TON of different singers and you know what? I have only had one singer through it all that didn’t suffer from this dreaded disease – and it took me 24 years to find her!
You’ll know you found one when you hear any of the following statements uttered with the subtleties of a Lion’s roar when some chump Hyena is trying to steal their food:
“Hey man, this P.A. is mine and we’ll play what I want to.”
“Dude, you sound great but your stepping over my vocals.”
“They’re all coming to see me!”
“Hey Bro, turn my mic all the way up.”
“No Man, I don’t do roady stuff.”
“I’ll see you at the gig.” What he/she really means is – I’ll see you at the gig 5 minutes before we start to play.
“Steve Perry sucks, Man. I can out sing that fool any day!”
“Hey I AM Van Halen, Man!” (sorry this one is from my past – couldn’t help but put it in there)
Oh yeah that reminds me, if they go by three names, then you know they are already full blown chomping on the LSD pill – See: David Lee Roth, Ronnie James Dio, Axel Freakin’ Rose.
OR, if they go by one name you can bet LSD is chronic – See: Elvis, Mariah, Celine, Mikey (just kidding bro, love ya! A little inside joke for me and my gang.)
And on and on and on and on and on and on…
So, my young guitar hero, how do you deal with LSD?
Just like any bad trip gone wrong – you just let it ride…just let it ride. And keep saying to yourself, “This is just make believe and soon it will be over.”
Seriously there isn’t much you can do because most singers do not live in reality.
Ever seen American Idol? So so many of those people just can not sing. Simon rips those dudes and tries to bring them back to this planet, but they NEVER listen! They just say how stupid Simon is, while he’s making 10 bazillion dollars and they had to take time off from the fry station.